Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let's face it, English is a stupid language (AmE).
This is the introduction to a really interesting text taken from Multimedia-English about the English language. In fact, English is not stupid at all, it's simply funny.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't *fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone *beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher *praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why is it that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends?
Explanations
AmE eggplant = BrE aubergine.
AmE telephone booth = BrE telephone box.
AmE french fries = BrE chips.
How come?= why? (used in conversational English).
burn up= when something is destroyed by fire.
burn down= when a building is destroyed by fire.
lunacy= madness (BrE), craziness (AmE).
fill out a form = fill in a form (both mean the same but the second form is much more usual).
GO= a bell goes "ring", a cat goes "meow" and a dog goes "bow-wow" (we use "go" to express the noise something makes).
race= 1- ethnic features of a person. 2- a competition to see who runs faster.
out= if a light is out, there is no light. If it is on, it's shining. To put out the lights is to turn them off. To put out a fire is to suffocate it.
Note: words marked with asterisk (*) in the joke don't exist in English.
